People can’t drive

Posted: July 26, 2011 in Uncategorized

So, for my first shitty post I figured I’d bitch about the first thing that came to mind: crappy drivers.

I honestly do not understand how 90% of people can’t drive to save their lives. Lets list the top 5 things that make me rage harder then when my computer randomly crashes:

#1 – Going slow as shit:  I get it, your cautious. Driving safe is fine, but 25mph on I95 is what causes me to run your ass of the road.

Your not saving gas, because your sitting in traffic 3 times longer then I am since I go 60 and your doing 20 and get stuck at every red light.

Your not being safe. You going slow causes others (like me) to become enraged and throw shit at your car while I speed past. You get a broken window, and I might hit a pedestrian while I’m preoccupied searching for a bottle to chuck at you.
So save us both the hassle and step on the peddle to the right.

Also, when going slow, it leads to the next thing…

#2 – Leaving tons of space between you and the person in front of you:  Don’t give me that excuse “well, what if they slam on their breaks?” If someone slams on their brakes on a highway while everyone is going 60, your still going to be in their back seat anyway.

So do me a favor, leave enough space to slow down / stop safely if the person in front of you begins to slow down.
That space is precious. I need you to give me enough room so i can recklessly weave around you and get to where I want to go.

#3 – Using your phone while driving:  I don’t agree with the laws about cell phones and driving and all that crap.
I talk on my phone or text while driving all the time. The difference is I drive the same way even if I’m on the phone, compared to the morons who text and apparently forget that they are behind the wheel and swerve into my lane then beep at me as if its my fault for being next to them while they tell their BFF sally they had a salad at salad works for lunch.

News flash fatty, nobody really cares that you had non-fat dressing with your salad. Especially since you will probably go home and eat a whole pizza since you “were so good today”.

#4 Not signalling:  This is not only the law, but its common courtesy in my opinion. If your going to try and drive like a dick like I do, at least let the people around you know “hey, I’m gona cut in front of you brah, you might wana watch out and gtfo of my way. kthx”

#5 – Being old:  I’m sorry, there is just a point at which a person is to fucking old to drive. I’ve encountered ONE old person who drives like a boss, and I’m pretty sure it was Johnny Knoxville filming jackass.

Every old person I see driving breaks every rule above and acts like everyone else is a bad driver even though they are in the on coming traffics lane and sitting so close to the steering wheel they may as well be fused with the damn car.

I think I should administer all driving tests, and if you don’t pass you have to walk everywhere, because you will probably find a way to fuck up public transportation as well if you take that.

  1. suzie says:

    yay comments! tumblr doesnt have comments

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